Lifestyle | February 08, 2023

5 Lessons on Love from the Nedi

By Rory Coulter
5 Lessons on Love from the Nedi

But first, a little background . . .

All these years of people searching for the elusive Nedi, turns out the Nedi was searching for something too. Someone to take long walks in the snow with. Someone to toss logs with. Someone to hibernate with. Talk about missed connections! Alas, living up a mountain has its practical limitations and left him looking for love in all the wrong places – mostly under rocks. 

And so, ready for love, he came down from the mountains in hopes of finding the one. (He’s been sleeping on the couch at Nedquarters ever since, but that is a whole nother story . . .) He tried, but alas, he was the only one on it. He tried Tinder, but alas, he was just being used for his North Star Membership and Ned discount. 

Ever the optimist, he hasn’t given up on love. In fact, he fancies himself a bit of a love expert. Against our better judgment, he convinced us to let him take over for Valentine’s Day. And so, for better or worse, here’s some unsurprisingly unsage lessons on love from the Nedi: 

  1. “All you Nedi is love.” 

The Nedi is exceedingly proud of this one. While he’s not wrong, love does make the world go round, We don’t have the heart to tell him he ripped off a Beatles song. To his credit, he has been living in a cave for the last century. Literally.

  1. “Play really hard to get.”

The Nedi likes to maintain an air of mystery. While he does have this one dialed, he sure seems to leave nothing to the imagination here around Nedquarters. Anyway, it certainly can’t hurt his odds. 

  1. “Prepare a nice meal.” 

The Nedi firmly believes the way to the heart is through the stomach. There is some truth to that, except said “nice meal” consists of slow braised pine cones with a moose dung reduction. Let it be said, he always nails the wine pairing.

  1. “Draw a romantic candlelit bubble bath.”

The Nedi is no stranger to setting the mood. We’re just not sure what mood he’s going for with a tub full or ice. We’re also not sure where all those bubbles are coming from – and we don’t think we want to know. 

  1. Show off your sense of humor.”

The Nedi insists there’s more to him than his “rugged good looks” (his words, not ours) – like his “great sense of humor” (again, his words, not ours). We will say this – when (if) he finally settles down and has some baby Nedies of his own, he’ll be ready with all the dad jokes. 

(On that note . . . between workshopping his material with the office ficus (who has the patience of a saint) and helping himself to mug after mug of Shuteye Chai, the Nedi made these corny Valentine’s Day cards for you to print and hand out. We hate to admit it, but they’re actually pretty good. Don’t tell him, though. He’s got a big enough head as it is.)

Truth be told, for all his . . . uh, quirks, we’ll call them . . . the Nedi is a gentle giant with a heart of gold. You can’t fault the big lug for not knowing what Benjamin Franklin pointed out about guests and fish ( . . . “they both smell after three days.”) Besides, he definitely gave off dead trout day one.

While the Nedi's hunt for love has had its highs and lows (mostly lows), these classic love songs have kept him optimistic that his true love is out there . . . somewhere . . . anywhere. He’s not picky.

To be continued!